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After a first Round victory, the Chooks showed many in Round 2 why Round 1 was a stroke of luck. They weren’t completely outplayed by the Pussies, but more ended up outplaying themselves, didn’t follow the game plan and paid the price for it. This week they take on the Grass Stains. The Green brigade doesn’t travel well, but nobody is travelling as bad as the Chooks at the moment.
1. Anthony Minichiello V Josh Dugan – Determined is a word id use. “The Moth” is busting his little thorax out there, but when your wings are clipped they are clipped. For all the trying he just can’t get to the top of the cardigan and the waist band is all holed out. He is one of the good guys, a champion. But he exists and persists to the detriment of the side. That’s sad. His opposite until recently was shrouded with long term speculation, from those who don’t really have a clue but watch too much Gossip Girl, that he was the targeted fullback for the Roosters after “The Moth” is permanently mothballed. “Bogan” has just re-signed for the grass stains and will be out this weekend with his Dunlop volleys, tats and flanno shirt to crash the Chooks party and steal all the Mother energy drinks. He’s back and will be thanking “The Moth” for temporarily minding his Origin jersey.
2. Justin Carney V Blake Ferguson – For 2 weeks in a row now the un-tall canon ball, “Vin Diesel” has done the leg work of the Chooks forwards. Another one that gives his all, this week he faces teh team that made him a YouTube favourite. Sadly none of his YouTube highlights have ever eventuated at the Chooks. That’s set to continue as he is completely outjumped by “On the Buses”. Good old Blakey will be punching holes through Vin Diesel like a return ticket to Leicester Square. He will get up higher than Olive’s girdle and outjump him several times and is odds on specials to score at least 2 tries down the chunky cherub’s flank.
3. Joseph Leilua V Jarrod Croker – Virtually unsighted for 2 games, there is no more proof needed that “Humming BJ” is and never was a winger. So with all Chooks Back rowers that aren’t wingers, he finds himself in the centres. It will suit him there and his size will be used to much greater effect taking on “Kermit”. The Goal kicking muppet has hit the ground running, and already has a couple of touch downs to his name and the goals are looking good off the webbed feet. Will need to get the hop on the big chook opponent, or he’ll end up doing old renditions of the rainbow connection.
4. Shaun Kenny-Dowell V Shaun Berrigan – No doubt the Chooks are lacking strike power out wide. And if you think this week sees the return of our favourite backpacker since Morley, “Skidmark”, you are mistaken. The Old Kidney Bean is not 100% and I for one can’t see him returning this week. What I do see is the much awaited debut of “Mogachinno”. If you’re ever going to give a debutant his shot, especially when your debutant towers over their opposite, its now. That opposite is “Jerrycan”. Much of the high octane was burnt at the Shetlands, Sheep Appreciators and a stint in the Old Dart. These days he’d be lucky to spark a Victa with a shitload of 2 stroke. The reality is neither “Skidmark” nor “Mogachinno” will be there....and once again we’ll be stuck with Trewhella’s girlfriend.
5. Sam Perrett V Jack Wighton – 2 games into the season and only 4 Roosters have made over 100 meters in a game. “Ferrett” is one. This week he has a great chance to do that again as he takes on “White on Black”. Named as such after to a short lived apprenticeship as a mechanic in a Fyshwick workshop. One day he was sent to Repco to get “another can of chequered paint, and a left- handed screw driver.........oh and don’t forget the long weight”. After returning to the workshop 4 hours later empty handed, he quit and immediately signed up for the Grass Stains. “Ferret” clearly has the advantage with his one out game plan a masterpiece – a placebo for surprise. “White on Black” will know what to expect from “Ferret”. He knows the little chook burrow merchant always runs from dummy half, so much though that it is a given he will completely spring the element of surprise and this week, dummy to run but instead pass. So “White on Black” will counter the surprise and jump out from dummy half and dive for the intercept! Instead “Ferret” will run from dummy half (as always) and make an easy 30 meters. “White on Black” should forget about reading the attack and go back to reading early volumes of “Blacks on Blondes”. Or at least look at the pictures.
6. Braith Anasta V Terry Campese – I feel sick. “Zoolander” is really starting to piss me off. I want results. I want a captain that leads not look around for ideas. Inspiration is needed when perspiration is not enough. He faces “Bledisloe” who will outplay our great pretender 100 times over. I really don’t know what to say here. I don’t dislike the man, I hate his play. And I hate that he offers less and less every week, every year.
7. Mitchell Pearce V Josh McCrone - Whether you are a “FOFF” life member, “Bargearse is an immortal” fan, or believe “JrJr” should be creating a thousand try assists a game....one thing we can all agree on is a halfback cannot work without room, and go forward. Having said that the Artarmon Mumbler hasn’t exactly been able to capitalise on good field position – 1 meter out with 4 tackles in hand – when logic tells you Helen Keller can put a player over from there. Or at least a kick for a repeat dance. He needs two things – the first is his forwards to man the **** up and steam roll up the middle. The second is to give the ball to “Mortein” (who should be the stunt double for “Zoolander”) and hope the kid can put in a decent kick. His opposite is “Crone’s” who will make us all feel sick after he gives us a dose of his 2 tries, 4 try assists and 11 repeat sets.
8. Jared Waerea-Hargraves V David Shillington – Obviously Melon’s Matchup of the week. “Angry Birds” is the only in form Chooks forward that has taken his trial match aggression into the Real McCoy games. He has got to get some support from his partners so he can run wider on the fringes and break through the little green Egg Stealing Pig defences. He faces yet another ex chook forward who was released well before his prime because some idiot in the club thought that has been Bullkebabs were the way to go. “Angry Birds” and “Pillow” will be belting the bejeezus out of each other, and Melon will be standing in Bay 13 looking up to the corporate box and waving his fist at “Uncle” and “Yellow Brick Rd” all the while yelling “You ****wits put us back a decade with your Bullkebab shenanigans!!! How the **** do we go from 3 GFs in a row to a spoon???? Now we’re stuck with 13 back rowers you clueless gimps!!!” Like many of you, I’ll never recover.
9. Jake Friend V Travis Wadell – Another 50 tackles from “Sandwich hand” last week....but even then he gets hooked for having a shocker. He will bounce back better than the rest as there is no harsher critic than himself. He faces a guy I know absolutely nothing about call “Quack”. The lame duck has somehow snuck into the back seat of the bus where the cool kids hang out, and all of sudden thinks he’s first grade material. If anything he will snap “Sandwich Hand” out of his slump and induce a complete form reversal. You’re only as weak as your dummy half, unless theirs is weaker. “Quack” must be targeted.
10. Martin Kennedy V Brett White – Another game under his belt and “Ankles” looked better for it. But alas, so much is expected from him due to the lameness of the Chooks forwards, and he is not match fit enough to provide. Good thing is he faces “Ghost” this week. This bloke’s promised so much but was given the opportunity to fail at all levels including origin and he grabbed that opportunity with both hands. A complete nuffy that is capable of vanishing into thin air when the blow torch is applied. Boo!
11. Aiden Guerra V Josh Papalli – Its a week to week proposition for “Guerilla”. Such is this dirty war he fights. One week he is mowing down insurgents, the next he is stuck in a bunker and can’t breathe. Needs good service from his generals, but isn’t getting it. “Mama Cass” on the other hand is getting great service. Can be found most nights at “Ali Babas” in Civic, ordering the kebab house down. Is known to choke when least expected. “Guerilla” will be looking for the moment to pull the pin on a ham sanga.
12. Mitch Aubusson V Bronson Harrison – Good to see Trew’s girl back in the pack. Until of course “Skidmark” doesn’t show, and we play along with the charade, and start feeling dirty when “Pretty Woman” tries to hold a tattered backline together. Will be marking “Death Wish”. Unlike the hard living guy form the series of tough cop movies, when this bloke runs into the thick of things, he’ll often wish he was dead. He’s usually seen playing dead at the base of a scrum so he can be ignored.....at least until the commotion has moved on.
13. Frank Paul Nuuausala V Shaun Fensom – I love “Nerf Ball”. You can throw him as hard as you like at mums finest china and he just bounces off, hardly breaking a sweat let alone breaking anything else. He is trying hard but is carrying a serious injury that’s flared up again. It’s not like we can’t win without him, and we ask why Coach Bridesmaid wont spell him....until you see who we have in Newtown and the Under 20s and realise they are rated only by a “special” few from the Chookpen. “Nerf Ball” needs to become “Bowling Ball”. But I feel for him at the moment. His opposite is “Colourbond”. Sturdy, dependable, a barrier in defence, but no matter what colour you paint him, at the end of the day he ends up that same baby poo brown.
The Bench
Body Count V Ita
Smiling Assasin V Thommo
Dalai V Thilver
Mortein V Fruit
I hope to see Mortein come in for Didge. Actually I’d like to see him come in for Zoolander.
There is potential here for an absolute flogging.
Grass Stains by 14.
1. Anthony Minichiello V Josh Dugan – Determined is a word id use. “The Moth” is busting his little thorax out there, but when your wings are clipped they are clipped. For all the trying he just can’t get to the top of the cardigan and the waist band is all holed out. He is one of the good guys, a champion. But he exists and persists to the detriment of the side. That’s sad. His opposite until recently was shrouded with long term speculation, from those who don’t really have a clue but watch too much Gossip Girl, that he was the targeted fullback for the Roosters after “The Moth” is permanently mothballed. “Bogan” has just re-signed for the grass stains and will be out this weekend with his Dunlop volleys, tats and flanno shirt to crash the Chooks party and steal all the Mother energy drinks. He’s back and will be thanking “The Moth” for temporarily minding his Origin jersey.
2. Justin Carney V Blake Ferguson – For 2 weeks in a row now the un-tall canon ball, “Vin Diesel” has done the leg work of the Chooks forwards. Another one that gives his all, this week he faces teh team that made him a YouTube favourite. Sadly none of his YouTube highlights have ever eventuated at the Chooks. That’s set to continue as he is completely outjumped by “On the Buses”. Good old Blakey will be punching holes through Vin Diesel like a return ticket to Leicester Square. He will get up higher than Olive’s girdle and outjump him several times and is odds on specials to score at least 2 tries down the chunky cherub’s flank.
3. Joseph Leilua V Jarrod Croker – Virtually unsighted for 2 games, there is no more proof needed that “Humming BJ” is and never was a winger. So with all Chooks Back rowers that aren’t wingers, he finds himself in the centres. It will suit him there and his size will be used to much greater effect taking on “Kermit”. The Goal kicking muppet has hit the ground running, and already has a couple of touch downs to his name and the goals are looking good off the webbed feet. Will need to get the hop on the big chook opponent, or he’ll end up doing old renditions of the rainbow connection.
4. Shaun Kenny-Dowell V Shaun Berrigan – No doubt the Chooks are lacking strike power out wide. And if you think this week sees the return of our favourite backpacker since Morley, “Skidmark”, you are mistaken. The Old Kidney Bean is not 100% and I for one can’t see him returning this week. What I do see is the much awaited debut of “Mogachinno”. If you’re ever going to give a debutant his shot, especially when your debutant towers over their opposite, its now. That opposite is “Jerrycan”. Much of the high octane was burnt at the Shetlands, Sheep Appreciators and a stint in the Old Dart. These days he’d be lucky to spark a Victa with a shitload of 2 stroke. The reality is neither “Skidmark” nor “Mogachinno” will be there....and once again we’ll be stuck with Trewhella’s girlfriend.
5. Sam Perrett V Jack Wighton – 2 games into the season and only 4 Roosters have made over 100 meters in a game. “Ferrett” is one. This week he has a great chance to do that again as he takes on “White on Black”. Named as such after to a short lived apprenticeship as a mechanic in a Fyshwick workshop. One day he was sent to Repco to get “another can of chequered paint, and a left- handed screw driver.........oh and don’t forget the long weight”. After returning to the workshop 4 hours later empty handed, he quit and immediately signed up for the Grass Stains. “Ferret” clearly has the advantage with his one out game plan a masterpiece – a placebo for surprise. “White on Black” will know what to expect from “Ferret”. He knows the little chook burrow merchant always runs from dummy half, so much though that it is a given he will completely spring the element of surprise and this week, dummy to run but instead pass. So “White on Black” will counter the surprise and jump out from dummy half and dive for the intercept! Instead “Ferret” will run from dummy half (as always) and make an easy 30 meters. “White on Black” should forget about reading the attack and go back to reading early volumes of “Blacks on Blondes”. Or at least look at the pictures.
6. Braith Anasta V Terry Campese – I feel sick. “Zoolander” is really starting to piss me off. I want results. I want a captain that leads not look around for ideas. Inspiration is needed when perspiration is not enough. He faces “Bledisloe” who will outplay our great pretender 100 times over. I really don’t know what to say here. I don’t dislike the man, I hate his play. And I hate that he offers less and less every week, every year.
7. Mitchell Pearce V Josh McCrone - Whether you are a “FOFF” life member, “Bargearse is an immortal” fan, or believe “JrJr” should be creating a thousand try assists a game....one thing we can all agree on is a halfback cannot work without room, and go forward. Having said that the Artarmon Mumbler hasn’t exactly been able to capitalise on good field position – 1 meter out with 4 tackles in hand – when logic tells you Helen Keller can put a player over from there. Or at least a kick for a repeat dance. He needs two things – the first is his forwards to man the **** up and steam roll up the middle. The second is to give the ball to “Mortein” (who should be the stunt double for “Zoolander”) and hope the kid can put in a decent kick. His opposite is “Crone’s” who will make us all feel sick after he gives us a dose of his 2 tries, 4 try assists and 11 repeat sets.
8. Jared Waerea-Hargraves V David Shillington – Obviously Melon’s Matchup of the week. “Angry Birds” is the only in form Chooks forward that has taken his trial match aggression into the Real McCoy games. He has got to get some support from his partners so he can run wider on the fringes and break through the little green Egg Stealing Pig defences. He faces yet another ex chook forward who was released well before his prime because some idiot in the club thought that has been Bullkebabs were the way to go. “Angry Birds” and “Pillow” will be belting the bejeezus out of each other, and Melon will be standing in Bay 13 looking up to the corporate box and waving his fist at “Uncle” and “Yellow Brick Rd” all the while yelling “You ****wits put us back a decade with your Bullkebab shenanigans!!! How the **** do we go from 3 GFs in a row to a spoon???? Now we’re stuck with 13 back rowers you clueless gimps!!!” Like many of you, I’ll never recover.
9. Jake Friend V Travis Wadell – Another 50 tackles from “Sandwich hand” last week....but even then he gets hooked for having a shocker. He will bounce back better than the rest as there is no harsher critic than himself. He faces a guy I know absolutely nothing about call “Quack”. The lame duck has somehow snuck into the back seat of the bus where the cool kids hang out, and all of sudden thinks he’s first grade material. If anything he will snap “Sandwich Hand” out of his slump and induce a complete form reversal. You’re only as weak as your dummy half, unless theirs is weaker. “Quack” must be targeted.
10. Martin Kennedy V Brett White – Another game under his belt and “Ankles” looked better for it. But alas, so much is expected from him due to the lameness of the Chooks forwards, and he is not match fit enough to provide. Good thing is he faces “Ghost” this week. This bloke’s promised so much but was given the opportunity to fail at all levels including origin and he grabbed that opportunity with both hands. A complete nuffy that is capable of vanishing into thin air when the blow torch is applied. Boo!
11. Aiden Guerra V Josh Papalli – Its a week to week proposition for “Guerilla”. Such is this dirty war he fights. One week he is mowing down insurgents, the next he is stuck in a bunker and can’t breathe. Needs good service from his generals, but isn’t getting it. “Mama Cass” on the other hand is getting great service. Can be found most nights at “Ali Babas” in Civic, ordering the kebab house down. Is known to choke when least expected. “Guerilla” will be looking for the moment to pull the pin on a ham sanga.
12. Mitch Aubusson V Bronson Harrison – Good to see Trew’s girl back in the pack. Until of course “Skidmark” doesn’t show, and we play along with the charade, and start feeling dirty when “Pretty Woman” tries to hold a tattered backline together. Will be marking “Death Wish”. Unlike the hard living guy form the series of tough cop movies, when this bloke runs into the thick of things, he’ll often wish he was dead. He’s usually seen playing dead at the base of a scrum so he can be ignored.....at least until the commotion has moved on.
13. Frank Paul Nuuausala V Shaun Fensom – I love “Nerf Ball”. You can throw him as hard as you like at mums finest china and he just bounces off, hardly breaking a sweat let alone breaking anything else. He is trying hard but is carrying a serious injury that’s flared up again. It’s not like we can’t win without him, and we ask why Coach Bridesmaid wont spell him....until you see who we have in Newtown and the Under 20s and realise they are rated only by a “special” few from the Chookpen. “Nerf Ball” needs to become “Bowling Ball”. But I feel for him at the moment. His opposite is “Colourbond”. Sturdy, dependable, a barrier in defence, but no matter what colour you paint him, at the end of the day he ends up that same baby poo brown.
The Bench
Body Count V Ita
Smiling Assasin V Thommo
Dalai V Thilver
Mortein V Fruit
I hope to see Mortein come in for Didge. Actually I’d like to see him come in for Zoolander.
There is potential here for an absolute flogging.
Grass Stains by 14.
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