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Originally posted by melon....
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There is nothing greater in the game of footy than what the unexpected can bring. All but turned into feather dusters, the Chooks showed last week, that it’s an 80 minute game, it isn’t over until out of the closest Magda sings, and it’s always a game of 2 halves as well as every other cliché I can’t be stuffed reciting.
There is nothing better than smashing the Vermin’s March Grand Final hopes in the fashion the Chooks did.
This week they take on the Pussies from the west at GreenSlip Stadium in what is the Chooks first home game of the season. Here’s how they line up.
1. Anthony Minichiello V Lachlan Coote – As predicted “The Moth” went all out last week and will continue to do so as if every week he’s playing his last. Out-sprinted a younger man to get to that money ball and win the game, faster than if his mama was chasing him out of the kitchen with a rolling pin for pinching the Prosciutto before it had a chance to cure. This week the only moth I know that likes eating carpet as much as cardigans, takes on “Ronnie”. Rumoured to be chased by the Chooks, “Ronnie” finds himself in the fullback position ahead of “Gheko” who broke his leg in 27 places last week and barring a fitness test, is in doubt. Will be interesting to see if “Ronnie” follows his famous name sake into Footy greatness, or just the retirement path into flipping burgers. Would be a welcome change running a drive through instead of running from one.
2. Justin Carney V Etu Uaisele – Much maligned and thunder thighed, “Vin Diesel” went into last week’s production as a B Grade extra but after post production editing came out looking like an A Grade stunt double. The Untall Cannon Ball, ran the ball hard and tried his guts out. Threw one crappy pass, took and even crappier kick off but may find himself back in the team again this week as “Mogachinno” may be still kept under wraps. This week, he that’s round and hugs the ground, takes on “Brutus”. It’s an uncanny call-up for this bloke in the midst of March and he should watch his back. One wrong move may see “Vin Diesel” pull the toga over his head, and hand him a C-section. Friends, Westies, countrymen, lend me the keys to your Toranas....
3. BJ Leilua V Michael Jennings – If “Humming BJ” was quiet last week because he barely got any ball action, then he’s going to cop a mouth full of spillage this week marking speedy “AV”. Plagued with foundation problems last season, splintered architraves and chipped plasterboard, he is back with a full nail gun and is ready to pave the way for the Pussies. “Humming BJ” often bagged for being the slowest back in the team, will need to go hard this week and keep up or end copping it on the chin. With our backline, “AV” will score a hat trick.
4. Mitchell Aubusson V Brad Tighe – A freakish 3 minute spurt from “Angry Birds”, “Jr, Jr”, “Body Count” and “The Moth” may have won us the game last week, but it was “Pretty Woman” who kept us in it for so long and was our best on the park. Trewhella’s favourite is again covering in the centres for injured “Skidmark”, and will continue filling in nicely. Facing a bit of a journey man in “Fatigue”. He’s one of those fringe dudes thats been around, but only exist because there’s an immortal in the team to make him look half decent, like “Bargearse” at the Naughts or “Goodyear” at the Shetlands. Without these players around him, “Fatigue” is a slow and tired who just couldn’t get enough energy from a stolen commodore full of Crispy Cremes.
5. Sam Perrett V Sandor Earl – He maybe as boring as his religious denomination, but “Ferret” continues to do what only he can do in a way only he can. Hit the ball up and get us out of the shit in our own end. He’ll continue to do that this week as well, and helping that cause is the fact he’s up against Chook reject “Necklace”. A stringy lad, that’s known to choke in stranglehold situations, has nothing to worry about this week facing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He’s lucky he wasn’t facing “Humming BJ” or things could have got messy.
6. Braith Anasta V Travis Burns – Looking to come back from a bout of shagger’s back, “Zoolander” will be welcomed on that Chook left edge. Clearly the Chooks struggled last week with organisation due to his absence, and although “Mortein” covered honourably, spraying passes and kicks everywhere, the predictable dummy to the outside men was not quite there. Neither were the kick offs out on the full. Looking forward to some of those again. Should be able to dish out a lesson as he faces “Monty”. The Riff’s very own Power Plant mogul, but unlike his namesake from Springfield, this guy’s fortune has been made from the Plants he has growing under UV lights in the roof of his mum’s house at Lethbridge Park. “Zoolander” will smoke him.
7. Mitchell Pearce V Luke Walsh – No “JrJr” last week and no Chooks win. It’s as simple as that. Finally deciding to grow up and be a big boy, he ran at the line and had the Vermin defence confused at that fact alone, enabling him to get on their outside and release his men to victory. Nice play and I didn’t see that coming. He’ll play a key part once more in the Chooks’ chances this week and he’ll have to keep “Bruce and Walsh” at bay to do it. A far cry from Tiffanys, his play is like his brand, cheap, second rate, and tarnishes when the heat is applied. Sometimes you get rocks and Diamonds; with this guy you get rocks of crack cocaine.
8. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves V Sam McKendry – Its funny watching “Angry Birds”. He steams into the pig towers and defences at full speed but looks to get stopped every time. He struggles to and through the line. But every now and then he fires up the Android version, crashes through and gets all 3 stars for the level. Winner!!! More stolen eggs this week and will take it out on his opposite “Kendra”. The former Bunny pal of Hef and current pole dancer at Reactor 1 in the Pussies leagues club, keeps up a hard front mainly thanks to a left over box of little blue pills. Should start and take the first few hitups, but will quickly lose it and shake her pom poms when “Barbie Girl” starts blasting over the PA system.
9. Jake Friend V Kevin Kingston – My second best last week was “Sandwich Hand”. He stifled everything that moved. Made his average 50 tackles, and played for most of the game. The busy little farker will again find himself chopping lettuce in and around the ruck and buttering the opposition’s buns. He’s up against a pretty laid back brother from the gutter “Jamaica”. A relaxed customer, who is phased by nothing, chilled as anything, with the only comparison to “Sandwich Hand” is he doesn’t mind a cheese and tomato sandwich or three....especially after hanging out at “Monty’s” after a “training” session. He loves reggae, but doesn’t like Pearl Jam ukulele songs. Speak easy mun....
10. Lama Tasi V Tim Grant – What a start for His Holiness. “Dalai” scored the chook’s opener last week and saves himself the embarrassment of a nudie run at the end of the year. Seemed to be sucking them in a bit last week, and may still be carrying a layer or two of extra robes. He lines up against “Tam”. The chocolate soldier for the Pussies does his best work when he has his head and feet bitten off, is dunked in a cup of coffee and used as a straw. Will get caught with his fingers in the bickie tin again. Not in the same class as His Holiness.
11. Aiden Guerra V Luke Lewis – A good start for “Guerrilla” last week, scoring the Chooks second off a sublime chip from “Mortein”. Has shaved the Columbian cartel ‘tache and will provide that grafting work rate that is so badly needed. He’s up against the Pussies Captain, “Jerry”. The veteran funny man is a respected war horse and will ensure “Guerilla” keeps his guns loaded, cocked and ready for a war. One thing the Chooks have going for them is “Jerry’s” injury history against us. He doesn’t like Chicken this bloke. Every time he plays us we belt him. And when we do, the Pussies fold.
12. Boyd Cordner V Cameron Ciraldo – The law of averages says if you keep attempting something repeatedly you’ll eventually succeed at it. That’s exactly what “Body Count” did last week. After a couple of crap attempts at kicking the pill, he finally laid one off that sat up nicely for “The Moth” to run away with victory. Took a heap of punishment from the vermin forwards and will be up for it once more as he takes on “Candid” this week. Arrested once for bashing his old man who stole a Winnie Blue out of the 10 year old’s packet, he was the face of a controversial case against Police brutality. When having his mug shot taken he was asked by Police to turn to the side, to which he replied “naaaa...you bring the ****n’ camra round!!!” A baseball bat and 2 volumes of white pages later, “Candid” became obsessed with photography and has never looked back. This Sunday, this mug gets shot.
13. Frank Paul Nuuausala V Nathan Smith – “Nerf Ball” keeps doing what he did last week, and he’ll return to being called “Wrecking Ball”. It was the strongest running I’ve seen from him that I can recall, and he was the only Chook forward who reached triple figures for his meters. Needs to continue on that path now and prove he has turned it all around. He gets a good shot as he takes on “Crisps”. He’s a mash up from the Spud Carroll school of forwards but the way the Chooks showed they can hang in there, he’s likely to get crunched and crumble under the strain of the “Nerf Ball”.
The Bench
14. Tina Arena V Wagon Wheel
15. Magilla V Roll-on
16. King of Comedy V Sir Isaac
17. Mortein V Galah
Mortein will drop off, as Zoolander returns leaving teh last Bench spot for “Joanie”.
The Chooks got out of Jail last week whilst half the Pussies are still on weekend release. When I started writing the matchups I felt our forwards were nowhere near what everyone thinks they are at, and are massively over rated. But as I examined the Pussies a little closer, I reckon we’ll nail them.
Chooks by 6.
PS. RND 1's matchups can be read at Goeasts dot com.
There is nothing better than smashing the Vermin’s March Grand Final hopes in the fashion the Chooks did.
This week they take on the Pussies from the west at GreenSlip Stadium in what is the Chooks first home game of the season. Here’s how they line up.
1. Anthony Minichiello V Lachlan Coote – As predicted “The Moth” went all out last week and will continue to do so as if every week he’s playing his last. Out-sprinted a younger man to get to that money ball and win the game, faster than if his mama was chasing him out of the kitchen with a rolling pin for pinching the Prosciutto before it had a chance to cure. This week the only moth I know that likes eating carpet as much as cardigans, takes on “Ronnie”. Rumoured to be chased by the Chooks, “Ronnie” finds himself in the fullback position ahead of “Gheko” who broke his leg in 27 places last week and barring a fitness test, is in doubt. Will be interesting to see if “Ronnie” follows his famous name sake into Footy greatness, or just the retirement path into flipping burgers. Would be a welcome change running a drive through instead of running from one.
2. Justin Carney V Etu Uaisele – Much maligned and thunder thighed, “Vin Diesel” went into last week’s production as a B Grade extra but after post production editing came out looking like an A Grade stunt double. The Untall Cannon Ball, ran the ball hard and tried his guts out. Threw one crappy pass, took and even crappier kick off but may find himself back in the team again this week as “Mogachinno” may be still kept under wraps. This week, he that’s round and hugs the ground, takes on “Brutus”. It’s an uncanny call-up for this bloke in the midst of March and he should watch his back. One wrong move may see “Vin Diesel” pull the toga over his head, and hand him a C-section. Friends, Westies, countrymen, lend me the keys to your Toranas....
3. BJ Leilua V Michael Jennings – If “Humming BJ” was quiet last week because he barely got any ball action, then he’s going to cop a mouth full of spillage this week marking speedy “AV”. Plagued with foundation problems last season, splintered architraves and chipped plasterboard, he is back with a full nail gun and is ready to pave the way for the Pussies. “Humming BJ” often bagged for being the slowest back in the team, will need to go hard this week and keep up or end copping it on the chin. With our backline, “AV” will score a hat trick.
4. Mitchell Aubusson V Brad Tighe – A freakish 3 minute spurt from “Angry Birds”, “Jr, Jr”, “Body Count” and “The Moth” may have won us the game last week, but it was “Pretty Woman” who kept us in it for so long and was our best on the park. Trewhella’s favourite is again covering in the centres for injured “Skidmark”, and will continue filling in nicely. Facing a bit of a journey man in “Fatigue”. He’s one of those fringe dudes thats been around, but only exist because there’s an immortal in the team to make him look half decent, like “Bargearse” at the Naughts or “Goodyear” at the Shetlands. Without these players around him, “Fatigue” is a slow and tired who just couldn’t get enough energy from a stolen commodore full of Crispy Cremes.
5. Sam Perrett V Sandor Earl – He maybe as boring as his religious denomination, but “Ferret” continues to do what only he can do in a way only he can. Hit the ball up and get us out of the shit in our own end. He’ll continue to do that this week as well, and helping that cause is the fact he’s up against Chook reject “Necklace”. A stringy lad, that’s known to choke in stranglehold situations, has nothing to worry about this week facing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He’s lucky he wasn’t facing “Humming BJ” or things could have got messy.
6. Braith Anasta V Travis Burns – Looking to come back from a bout of shagger’s back, “Zoolander” will be welcomed on that Chook left edge. Clearly the Chooks struggled last week with organisation due to his absence, and although “Mortein” covered honourably, spraying passes and kicks everywhere, the predictable dummy to the outside men was not quite there. Neither were the kick offs out on the full. Looking forward to some of those again. Should be able to dish out a lesson as he faces “Monty”. The Riff’s very own Power Plant mogul, but unlike his namesake from Springfield, this guy’s fortune has been made from the Plants he has growing under UV lights in the roof of his mum’s house at Lethbridge Park. “Zoolander” will smoke him.
7. Mitchell Pearce V Luke Walsh – No “JrJr” last week and no Chooks win. It’s as simple as that. Finally deciding to grow up and be a big boy, he ran at the line and had the Vermin defence confused at that fact alone, enabling him to get on their outside and release his men to victory. Nice play and I didn’t see that coming. He’ll play a key part once more in the Chooks’ chances this week and he’ll have to keep “Bruce and Walsh” at bay to do it. A far cry from Tiffanys, his play is like his brand, cheap, second rate, and tarnishes when the heat is applied. Sometimes you get rocks and Diamonds; with this guy you get rocks of crack cocaine.
8. Jared Waerea-Hargreaves V Sam McKendry – Its funny watching “Angry Birds”. He steams into the pig towers and defences at full speed but looks to get stopped every time. He struggles to and through the line. But every now and then he fires up the Android version, crashes through and gets all 3 stars for the level. Winner!!! More stolen eggs this week and will take it out on his opposite “Kendra”. The former Bunny pal of Hef and current pole dancer at Reactor 1 in the Pussies leagues club, keeps up a hard front mainly thanks to a left over box of little blue pills. Should start and take the first few hitups, but will quickly lose it and shake her pom poms when “Barbie Girl” starts blasting over the PA system.
9. Jake Friend V Kevin Kingston – My second best last week was “Sandwich Hand”. He stifled everything that moved. Made his average 50 tackles, and played for most of the game. The busy little farker will again find himself chopping lettuce in and around the ruck and buttering the opposition’s buns. He’s up against a pretty laid back brother from the gutter “Jamaica”. A relaxed customer, who is phased by nothing, chilled as anything, with the only comparison to “Sandwich Hand” is he doesn’t mind a cheese and tomato sandwich or three....especially after hanging out at “Monty’s” after a “training” session. He loves reggae, but doesn’t like Pearl Jam ukulele songs. Speak easy mun....
10. Lama Tasi V Tim Grant – What a start for His Holiness. “Dalai” scored the chook’s opener last week and saves himself the embarrassment of a nudie run at the end of the year. Seemed to be sucking them in a bit last week, and may still be carrying a layer or two of extra robes. He lines up against “Tam”. The chocolate soldier for the Pussies does his best work when he has his head and feet bitten off, is dunked in a cup of coffee and used as a straw. Will get caught with his fingers in the bickie tin again. Not in the same class as His Holiness.
11. Aiden Guerra V Luke Lewis – A good start for “Guerrilla” last week, scoring the Chooks second off a sublime chip from “Mortein”. Has shaved the Columbian cartel ‘tache and will provide that grafting work rate that is so badly needed. He’s up against the Pussies Captain, “Jerry”. The veteran funny man is a respected war horse and will ensure “Guerilla” keeps his guns loaded, cocked and ready for a war. One thing the Chooks have going for them is “Jerry’s” injury history against us. He doesn’t like Chicken this bloke. Every time he plays us we belt him. And when we do, the Pussies fold.
12. Boyd Cordner V Cameron Ciraldo – The law of averages says if you keep attempting something repeatedly you’ll eventually succeed at it. That’s exactly what “Body Count” did last week. After a couple of crap attempts at kicking the pill, he finally laid one off that sat up nicely for “The Moth” to run away with victory. Took a heap of punishment from the vermin forwards and will be up for it once more as he takes on “Candid” this week. Arrested once for bashing his old man who stole a Winnie Blue out of the 10 year old’s packet, he was the face of a controversial case against Police brutality. When having his mug shot taken he was asked by Police to turn to the side, to which he replied “naaaa...you bring the ****n’ camra round!!!” A baseball bat and 2 volumes of white pages later, “Candid” became obsessed with photography and has never looked back. This Sunday, this mug gets shot.
13. Frank Paul Nuuausala V Nathan Smith – “Nerf Ball” keeps doing what he did last week, and he’ll return to being called “Wrecking Ball”. It was the strongest running I’ve seen from him that I can recall, and he was the only Chook forward who reached triple figures for his meters. Needs to continue on that path now and prove he has turned it all around. He gets a good shot as he takes on “Crisps”. He’s a mash up from the Spud Carroll school of forwards but the way the Chooks showed they can hang in there, he’s likely to get crunched and crumble under the strain of the “Nerf Ball”.
The Bench
14. Tina Arena V Wagon Wheel
15. Magilla V Roll-on
16. King of Comedy V Sir Isaac
17. Mortein V Galah
Mortein will drop off, as Zoolander returns leaving teh last Bench spot for “Joanie”.
The Chooks got out of Jail last week whilst half the Pussies are still on weekend release. When I started writing the matchups I felt our forwards were nowhere near what everyone thinks they are at, and are massively over rated. But as I examined the Pussies a little closer, I reckon we’ll nail them.
Chooks by 6.
PS. RND 1's matchups can be read at Goeasts dot com.
. Not sure what a missus or gerkin is? Is that a type of stuffing at charcoal chicken?
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