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  • The R U Ok? thread

    Hello fellow penners,

    I happened to be the reading the Kennel the other day, which is a massive unofficial Bulldogs online forum similar to the Chookpen. Some of their threads have over 1000 posts, which is quite impressive.

    I noticed in the non-league related threads one entitled the R U Ok? thread. The basic premise was to allow relative strangers to talk about mental health and other issues theyíve experienced in their life, in a non-judgemental and non-professional manner.

    I think itís a really good concept because speaking personally; it can be sometimes very hard to open up verbally to people close to me.

    Iíll share a little of my story first, and please feel free to contribute, share your stories, and offer any guidance where you can.

    Here goes:

    My upbringing was very modest, yet I never experienced any mental health issues as a child, adolescent or young adult. I was a very driven person, and I became the only person in my immediate family to successfully complete high school and university. I also lived overseas for close to four years. I am about to complete a second university qualification in the taxation field, which has been challenging but very worthwhile.

    I suffered post-natal depression quite badly when my child was born 2.5 years ago. This was a child we had prepared for and wanted, and I was genuinely happy when my wife became pregnant in late 2011.

    The post-natal depression was exacerbated by two factors. Firstly, I had a badly deviated septum, which makes it very hard to breathe through your nose because it is basically bent and oxygen wonít travel through it. The lack of sleep in the early days of a new child only made this worse. Secondly, my wife was and is a real perfectionist, who really pushed me hard in the early steps of being a father and the inevitable mistakes I made along the way.

    These two factors led to me being constantly exhausted, and the baby was not sleeping particularly well, especially in the first year.

    To be honest I did not cope very well during the first year of my childís life. I loved the boy of course, but felt resentful towards my wife and the child for taking away my freedom. I had dark thoughts, but somehow I managed to get through them. Due to this situation, I ate a lot of comfort food and put on about 10 kgs in weight. This made me feel even worse. Add to this the embarrassment of a male suffering post-natal depression. I had assumed beforehand that it was a female problem. How wrong I was.

    I can report that since my boy has started sleeping better and shown his personality, my post-natal depression has dissipated significantly.

    Furthermore, with my wifeís support, I had an operation to correct the nose problem. This has quite literally changed my life, in that now when I wake up I feel rested and refreshed, something that wasnít the case for the 20 years prior.

    In probably a typically male response to difficult situations, I also sought to find outlets. Luckily drinking, smoking and gambling have never interested me, so I began to take more interest in league again after not really caring for quite a while.

    I also started to exercise more, and began playing touch footy again. I played it as a young man and was a decent player, and I found that playing it weekly for fun gave me a lot of joy. So much so, that in 2015 Iím going to start playing competitively again. I had also played and umpired competitive cricket up until my child was born, and I realised that I really missed the mateship that comes with being involved with sport. I can only imagine and envy the mateship that would come from playing a professional team sport for a living.

    I am now working hard to become a better father and husband, although it is not easy at all.

    Anyway, feel free to comment and share your experiences.

    Thanks for reading

  • #2
    Mate it takes a lot of guts to talk about the things you have, even anonymously. Having worked where I worked previously, I have seen many young men ruin or even end their lives because of depression. A lot of it could have been prevented if they had an outlet to talk about about it in a non abusive self medicational way we Aussie blokes think is the way to deal with these problems.

    All the best mate!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by bunnywithteeth View Post
      Hello fellow penners,

      I happened to be the reading the Kennel the other day, which is a massive unofficial Bulldogs online forum similar to the Chookpen. Some of their threads have over 1000 posts, which is quite impressive.

      I noticed in the non-league related threads one entitled the R U Ok? thread. The basic premise was to allow relative strangers to talk about mental health and other issues theyíve experienced in their life, in a non-judgemental and non-professional manner.

      I think itís a really good concept because speaking personally; it can be sometimes very hard to open up verbally to people close to me.

      Iíll share a little of my story first, and please feel free to contribute, share your stories, and offer any guidance where you can.

      Here goes:

      My upbringing was very modest, yet I never experienced any mental health issues as a child, adolescent or young adult. I was a very driven person, and I became the only person in my immediate family to successfully complete high school and university. I also lived overseas for close to four years. I am about to complete a second university qualification in the taxation field, which has been challenging but very worthwhile.

      I suffered post-natal depression quite badly when my child was born 2.5 years ago. This was a child we had prepared for and wanted, and I was genuinely happy when my wife became pregnant in late 2011.

      The post-natal depression was exacerbated by two factors. Firstly, I had a badly deviated septum, which makes it very hard to breathe through your nose because it is basically bent and oxygen wonít travel through it. The lack of sleep in the early days of a new child only made this worse. Secondly, my wife was and is a real perfectionist, who really pushed me hard in the early steps of being a father and the inevitable mistakes I made along the way.

      These two factors led to me being constantly exhausted, and the baby was not sleeping particularly well, especially in the first year.

      To be honest I did not cope very well during the first year of my childís life. I loved the boy of course, but felt resentful towards my wife and the child for taking away my freedom. I had dark thoughts, but somehow I managed to get through them. Due to this situation, I ate a lot of comfort food and put on about 10 kgs in weight. This made me feel even worse. Add to this the embarrassment of a male suffering post-natal depression. I had assumed beforehand that it was a female problem. How wrong I was.

      I can report that since my boy has started sleeping better and shown his personality, my post-natal depression has dissipated significantly.

      Furthermore, with my wifeís support, I had an operation to correct the nose problem. This has quite literally changed my life, in that now when I wake up I feel rested and refreshed, something that wasnít the case for the 20 years prior.

      In probably a typically male response to difficult situations, I also sought to find outlets. Luckily drinking, smoking and gambling have never interested me, so I began to take more interest in league again after not really caring for quite a while.

      I also started to exercise more, and began playing touch footy again. I played it as a young man and was a decent player, and I found that playing it weekly for fun gave me a lot of joy. So much so, that in 2015 Iím going to start playing competitively again. I had also played and umpired competitive cricket up until my child was born, and I realised that I really missed the mateship that comes with being involved with sport. I can only imagine and envy the mateship that would come from playing a professional team sport for a living.

      I am now working hard to become a better father and husband, although it is not easy at all.

      Anyway, feel free to comment and share your experiences.

      Thanks for reading
      Mods...we should make this thread a sticky.

      Its not easy but keep hanging in there and keep on making your life and the family great. It's not easy but it's worth it. I should know as I thought I have lost everything (twice) but that is a story for later.

      I know you from work and really thought you had your sh*t together. A young boy and a beautiful wife. I would have hardly known til we had a short chat a couple of months ago. Even after that I didn't realise the extent of your demons until today.

      I'm not a softy and you can attest to that BWT, however, I had a lump in my throat reading this.

      Good to hear you are turning things around and not taking what appears to be easy option for us blokes when we don't feel ok....in bottling it up and falling into other habits etc.....nothing is more important than a loving family.

      Catch up tomorrow mate and yes I'm coming to your birthday next month.
      Last edited by Parkway_Drive; 11-16-2014, 10:52 PM.
      Originally posted by boogie

      "There's a lot of people competing for title of dumbest chookpen member such as Tommy S, Rusty, Johnny, ROC, Tobin but without a doubt you are the worst, youre thick as a brick christ this is the dumbest thing I've read in a long time you should go back to supporting the panthers"

      Comment


      • #4
        I know that a few of us are going through some hard times atm.
        Some have been doing it tough for a long time & wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
        You may feel alone with little hope.
        There will be good days, some not so good days & some absolutely shitty days.
        All I can say is hang in there & focus on what is good in your life.
        It will get better, eventually.

        Trust me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by chook 56 View Post
          I know that a few of us are going through some hard times atm.
          Some have been doing it tough for a long time & wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
          You may feel alone with little hope.
          There will be good days, some not so good days & some absolutely shitty days.
          All I can say is hang in there & focus on what is good in your life.
          It will get better, eventually.

          Trust me.
          Well said mate.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by chook 56 View Post
            I know that a few of us are going through some hard times atm.
            Some have been doing it tough for a long time & wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
            You may feel alone with little hope.
            There will be good days, some not so good days & some absolutely shitty days.
            All I can say is hang in there & focus on what is good in your life.
            It will get better, eventually.

            Trust me.
            So true, a lot of fella's think that a man should keep things to them selves because they think it shows a sign of weakness but the best thing a bloke can do is talk about it.. And have their mates around them..

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by turk-283 View Post
              So true, a lot of fella's think that a man should keep things to them selves because they think it shows a sign of weakness but the best thing a bloke can do is talk about it.. And have their mates around them..
              Very true, my son.
              And a BIG thank you for helping out a mate yesterday.
              Heart of gold is our gherkin

              Comment


              • #8
                You're not a wimp or a pussy if you express your feelings. Not getting political for one second but the former first bloke Tim Mathieson championed the Men's Shed.

                I've honestly never felt depressed enough to do anything stupid in my life but I can understand why an uncontrollable and unpreventable chemical imbalance in a man's brain combined with outside stressors could make him do something stupid to himself.
                SUPER DRAGON!

                Comment


                • #9
                  well said mate, yes I have experienced depression, not good!but its ok coming out the other side? im glad sport was one of the catalyst towards your recovery, its an integral part of aussie life.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It even happens to the greats who have played for our club.

                    http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/l...911-2tleh.html

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by horrie hastings View Post
                      It even happens to the greats who have played for our club.

                      http://www.smh.com.au/rugby-league/l...911-2tleh.html
                      I read the article and I have the utmost regard for Kevin Hastings (who doesn't) but I can't agree that the head knocks result in depression.

                      My understanding of depression is a lack of seratonin (a chemical imbalance with a lack of positive brain cells).

                      Head knocks to the head I believe will have other ramifications; memory loss for one. However, I honestly don't think depression is caused from concussion.

                      Many successful (famous) people who may never have copped a hit to the head suffer from depression. Instead of me picking out a few people here is a list that may surprise many of us.

                      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...ssive_disorder
                      "Do you expect me to talk"? "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die".

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I believe every day should be R U Ok Day. I don't believe that I can wait for some random day in September to worry about my friends and check in on them. They are in my prayers every day even when I am struggling myself sometimes to come to grips with what I've been through these past few years. Having other friends to pray for and send good wishes to is healing and comforting in itself. Music is also another wonderful tonic. I've been downloading so much in the way of Simon and Garfunkel, The Carpenters, Rod Stewart, Dolly Parton and Cat Stevens and its helped me a lot as I listen to my ipod on the bus daily. My baby nephew has serious health problems but even before he has reached his first birthday next month, he responds well to music and loves and appreciates it already and that warms my heart.
                        "The challenge remains due to an unchallengeable offence" - The Bunker

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by redwhiteblue View Post
                          I believe every day should be R U Ok Day. I don't believe that I can wait for some random day in September to worry about my friends and check in on them. They are in my prayers every day even when I am struggling myself sometimes to come to grips with what I've been through these past few years. Having other friends to pray for and send good wishes to is healing and comforting in itself. Music is also another wonderful tonic. I've been downloading so much in the way of Simon and Garfunkel, The Carpenters, Rod Stewart, Dolly Parton and Cat Stevens and its helped me a lot as I listen to my ipod on the bus daily. My baby nephew has serious health problems but even before he has reached his first birthday next month, he responds well to music and loves and appreciates it already and that warms my heart.
                          Keep fighting the good fight and remain positive, things can only get better IMO.. Best of wishes to you and family.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by turk-283 View Post
                            Keep fighting the good fight and remain positive, things can only get better IMO.. Best of wishes to you and family.
                            Thanks Turk. I didn't think my heart could get broken all over again but it has.
                            "The challenge remains due to an unchallengeable offence" - The Bunker

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by redwhiteblue View Post
                              Thanks Turk. I didn't think my heart could get broken all over again but it has.
                              remember this.. As Corny as it may sound; Don't chase love it will come/repay you 10 fold.... Not even Vince Lombardi could come up with that????

                              Comment

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